Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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