you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
