Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
