You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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