I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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