my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
