4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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