You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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