I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize