We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
