Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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