Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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