I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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