I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I deserve this hangover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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