Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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