I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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