What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
