I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
