I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
