New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
