Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
