I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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