So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
