This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I smell stomach acid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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