I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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