So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
