HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I CAN MOONWALK!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
