at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
