Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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