if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
