he shaved USA in his pubs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
