i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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