she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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