she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
