cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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