So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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