Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
