I puked a lego.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
