Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
