So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
