Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
