I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize