I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There r osticjed everywhere
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
