wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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