you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
