my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
