Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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