And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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