Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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