I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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