i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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