I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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