I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
