If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
