it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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