if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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