Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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