Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
