Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize