Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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