chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
