Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
