So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize